sad news...

I'm not even really sure how to even begin this blog. Usually I have soo many things to say I just have to figure out how I want to say them, but not now... I figure maybe if I just ramble on about it for a little while the right words would eventually come so bare with me. I debated on whether or not I should even blog about what I'm going to put in this post, but after careful consideration I decided to just go with it. Considering I treat my blog as if it were a journal of events taking place in my life and this is one that I won't forget I felt that I needed to include it. As I said in my last post I love my sisters soo soo much and everything they go through in life affects me as well. I feel so connected to them. This is why my heart totally broke three days ago when I got the text from Janeane that told me her unborn baby didn't have a heartbeat and had stopped growing five weeks ago. It's been three days and the feeling is returning even now as I'm typing this post. I can't imagine sitting there watching someone give you an ultrasound being so excited to see how big your baby has grown and then hearing the words, "I can't find a heartbeat". That was my worst fear during both my pregnancies and she had to live it. It just sucks all the way around. It's sad that my sister and her husband even had to go through this when there are people out there that are choosing to abort their babies and they would have done anything to keep theirs. Yesterday they put her under and took the baby out. How empty she must have felt waking up knowing it was over. She did everything she could to have a healthy baby and all of her blood work came back looking great. They told her it wasn't anything she did that these things just happen. They also told her they happen way more often than you would think, but knowing how common it is doesn't make it feel any better. She's doing ok though. Obviously she's sad and bummed that they won't be bringing a baby home in October, but she's holding it together so well and her let's get through it and move on attitude is completely inspiring. There are worse things that could have happened and this was what God had in store, it's just hard to accept it. I know they will get the baby they've been wanting so bad and when they do it will be such a great day and their love for that baby will be that much more special.

Inspired by Audge...

The other day Audge put up a status on her facebook about how much she loved having sisters! This is what got my wheels turning and pretty much inspired this post. Since I'm always blogging about my kids I thought this might be something a little different for a change, but will somehow probably eventually come right back to my children. Everything seems to do that these days. To start off I just want to say I love my family so much and I think about how lucky I am every day to have such an amazing support system. My sisters especially are soo amazing! Throughout this post are just a few of my favorite moments captured with them.

Growing up in a house with three sisters and two brothers wasn't always perfect. We definitely had our bad moments. Oh the fights we would have. I remember feeling like I hated my sisters on soo many occasions over stupid things. I couldn't wait to start my own life. Now, they're an even bigger part of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love how close we've become through the years. I've said it before that family is everything to me and they're what make it even more special. I'm not saying there isn't drama between us because there can be from time to time, but that's pretty much expected. I always tell Derek that it's comforting to know that anything we go through in life we'll have each other to go through it with. The same thing stands for my sisters and I. I'm very excited when I think about the future of our family.

They've already helped me through so much and know me sometimes better than I know myself, which isn't always such a great thing. They're very wise and have gone through a lot of the same things I have. It's weird sometimes how much we think alike and how our reactions to a lot of things have been the same. They hold up expectations of me that I'm greatful for because I try just a little harder knowing that they'll be right there to call me out on anything and that(i feel) has made me a better person, and a better mother. They're a little comical relief when I need it and no matter what I do I know they will always have my back.

This is where this post comes back to my children. Having them obviously was amazing! Having my sisters with me through all of it is even more amazing. It's great that they're just minutes away if I need them. I'm fortunate that they're still around and haven't moved to a different state or somewhere far.

It's so special to me how much they love my kids. Peyton and Jax light up when they come around. They have taught them so much and I know they are a big reason why my kids are so sweet. I could not imagine life or my family without them. It would be so boring.



Yes it's true, grocery shopping rejuvenated me... is that sad?

As I posted before I've been stuck at home with my kids for over two weeks now. The only times we've gone out of the house was for our trips to the Dr.. Well, the other day Derek didn't have to work till the evening so I saw my chance to escape, and I took it. You could only imagine after 2 or 3 weeks of no grocery shopping how bare our cupboards were so I kinda didn't have a choice of where I would go. Plus I thought it would be different because I'm so used to lugging 2 kids to the store with me. Derek was outside working on the lawn so I figured he could use an audience...

They seemed to be having a lot of fun out there since it was pretty much the first nice day we've had the whole time we've been stuck at home. I got them all set up and loaded their little trays with snacks. They were happy! I couldn't help feeling guilty though about how excited I was to get away and they were stuck at home for another day sick. Of course that only lasted a minute because once I hit the highway I had the radio blasting, the windows down and I was singing at the top of my lungs! Needless to say I took my time in the store making sure I hit almost every aisle. I forgot how it felt to shop alone and take as much time as I wanted. Walking through the door at home was funny because Peyton acted like I had been gone forever. Derek carried Jax over and he was just laughing at me for no reason. I think he was just really excited too so that's how it came out. It's amazing how one trip to the grocery store could recharge my batteries and I could go on tending to them and their needs.  

Luckily both of them are feeling so much better. Peyton's tract infection is gone and Jax's pink eyes look like they're way better. They both started playing, eating and drinking regularly. They still have a cough, but it's getting better. I feel like we're almost all healed up, but I still want to give it a couple more days before I expose them to anyone else. Jax is army crawling all over the place. He's also baby chattering, saying "bababa" it's soo funny. In the picture above you can tell how big he's getting. He can hold himself up pretty well it's insane! He loves to get into everything and he's always wanting to play with what his sister has. Peyton is talking up a storm and she's pretty funny. She helps me take such good care of Jax and always tells him, "It's ok brother!" every time he cries. They've been all about playing with each other because there has been no one else to play with. This made it very difficult for me to keep Peyton from catching Jax's pink eye, but I think I'm safe now! We just have to wait out the next couple of days until we can reconnect with the rest of the world!

Give us the drugs...

This picture was originally inspired by two prescription drugs for Peyton and Jax, but as I was cleaning off the kitchen counter I suddenly realized how much medications we've been depending on in our house the past few days. It's quite ridiculous because I started out with two and kept adding one more and then another until the counter was clean and I finally came up with this. I threw in the Lysol because I've been using that nonstop as well, and just to clarify (even though it should go without saying) the Tylenol pm, cough drops and benadryl pills are what Derek and I have taken and have not been given to the kids.

My little princess has been through so much the last week. First RSV and now the doctor confirmed yesterday that she has a UTI. I'm pretty sure it developed because of the lack of fluid intake over the past week. I'm now pushing fluids more than ever with her. We're also giving her a prescribed med twice a day for a week. Her doctor wanted to send out for a urine culture as well to make sure it's nothing more. The results should be in by tomorrow and we'll go from there. Hopefully that's all it is.

The Dr. also confirmed that Jax has pink eye. We now have a prescribed ointment that we've been putting on his eye. It doesn't seem to bother him a whole lot, but I think it has already spread to his other eye so I've been putting it on both. I'm trying to keep Peyton away from him as much as I can, but like she gave him the RSV virus I'm pretty sure he's going to return the favor by giving her pink eye, but I'm still doing everything I can to prevent it. I've tried to focus on the positive, but there isn't a whole lot. Not to mention I'm starting to come down with a cold. This is the hardest thing I've had to go through the whole time I've been a mom. It's definitely draining and stressful. Not only are my kids and I sick, but my niece Kinsley has bronchiolitis bad. Audge is taking her back to the doctor today because she isn't getting any better and now has a fever. She's only 11 weeks old and still so little so there is major cause for concern with her. That's not all. To add to all that my dad had to go to the emergency room yesterday because he broke the bone in his left pointer finger.

What else can I say about all of this? I guess worse things could happen. When talking to Audge we've mentioned to each other that we almost have to laugh because it's just crazy that it's been one thing after the other with our family the past week. Hopefully by next week our kids will be better and my posts will be uplifting again...

Respiratory syncytial virus

Soo, quarantine continues... Wednesday was day 4 of fevers and a stuffy nose for Peyton so we decided to take her to the Dr.. When we got there they took her temperature and it was 98.5. The only time she had a normal temp had to happen there. Dr. Felix also listened to her breathing and said everything seemed fine and she didn't have a bacterial infection which is good. She told us that Peyton was probably just getting over the flu or some sort of cold and to keep giving her Tylenol whenever her fever would come back. Peyton seemed a LOT better so after her appointment we decided to do a little shopping. Not even an hour after we left the Dr.'s office her nose started running really bad and her eyes started to get all puffy and red so we went home. That night was rough. I was giving her Tylenol for the fever and then after a few hours benadryl for the runny nose and I continued that cycle through the night. Derek had to work overnight and Peyton slept with me so I could keep an eye on her. The next morning(yesterday) was worse. Snot kept pouring out of her nose and she had a pretty bad fever. I felt soo bad. Derek came home from work a little while after we got out of bed and one look at her and he felt bad for her too. He picked her up and was hugging her and told her he loved her. She tried to tell him she loved him back, but it came out mumbled and gulpy, if that makes any sense. I started crying cause I felt soo helpless and I knew she was miserable. I didn't want to take her back to the doctor because I thought she would just tell me the same thing as the day before. Audge came over to see her and made the call to take her to urgent care. By that time Peyton seemed really lethargic and it took all the energy she had just to say one word. She was barely talking, her poor little body was soo lifeless, and even though she was wide awake her eyes were rolling back like she could pass out any moment. It was very sad. We took her in and the Dr. looked her over and ordered a chest xray and two test swabs of the nose and one of the mouth. The xray showed that she had RSV. Most children get this before they turn 3. There's 3 stages of it Mild, moderate, and severe. Most kids have the mild version and don't even know that's what it is. It just seems like a cold or flu virus. If you ask me she was borderline severe. There's no antibiotics for it because it's not a bacterial infection. We went home empty handed because there was nothing we could have given her. All we could do was hope she got better. Scariest part is that it's contagious. I really think Jax had already caught it, but he just didn't have it that bad at all. I was really stressed out when I couldn't get her to drink anything and I thought she was going to get dehydrated because she wasn't using the restroom at all and wasn't eating either. I was finally able to get her to drink out of a big girl cup with a straw, thanks to Audge for the advice. Last night all four of us camped out in our bedroom with the door shut and the vaporizer running. It seemed to help because I barely heard any coughing through the night. Peyton did wake up a few times and I set my alarm to check on both of them and give Peyton some more Tylenol. This morning was a whole new day though. She woke up feeling better and her energy seemed to be returning. She's such a spunky little thing so to see her like that yesterday was hard. I'm really greatful for the support system that I have. We got a bunch of phone calls today from family wondering if she was ok and telling us that they had prayed for her. I know that helped. I'm very thankful that she woke up better today. My little girl's almost back to normal!